On Finding “The One”: Is it worth every shot?
Today I went to the gym on a spur of the moment. I had no particular program in mind and it was already a long time ago when I slowly but surely decreased my exercises and wasn’t fully committed to my BodyBuilding Program. I went to the gym not knowing what to do except for my non-negotiable elliptical machine exercise. I was supposed to do 20 minutes but my stubborn heart couldn’t take the reality of doing cardio and my thighs were starting to burn, so I cut it into 10 minutes.
As I was rolling out my mat for my glutes exercises, the PT substitute was being extra friendly on me, as I noticed. He was too helpful, too talkative. Too much, in short. I shrugged it off and thought that it was his job to be friendly and helpful. Chris, the original gym PT, is also helpful, but he already knows my usual program by now so he doesn’t bother following me around unless it looks like I’m adding more plates to my bar and I might need a spotter any time.
Going back to Jason (or Jayson?), the PT sub, he murmured something as we were chatting and, apparently, he was asking for my number. I stared blankly at him and said, “Me?” I was obviously caught off guard. No one in my 22 years of existence has asked for my number before. Don’t even ask me how I ended up with four exes now, but I’m still waiting for a decent guy to ask for my number, to take me out on a date properly, and to give me a bouquet of flowers without me reminding him that it’s Valentine’s Day.
I told him that I highly believe in friendship and that I believe it’s the best foundation of any relationship. He asked me beforehand if I had a boyfriend and I bluntly said no. He asked me why. I didn’t know what reason to give him.
No one is interested? It had only been a few months since I had last been in a relationship? I was embracing singlehood and focusing on myself?
Then he asked if I were busy on evenings so he could maybe call some time if he’s not doing anything. I said I’m always doing something from the moment that I wake up until before I sleep. He asked when I don’t do anything and I said, “When I’m here, when I’m in the gym, that’s my free time.” This is true. He laughed and asked how I was going to find the right guy for me if I had no free time. I said I will let serendipity do its job.
He asked what serendipity means.
“Like destiny?” Well, yes, like destiny. That’s when I said my spiel on friendship being the best foundation for any relationship, as some people like to force it and have the set-up that they should be together from the get-go without being comfortable with each other first. I believe being sweet to each other has its own time and you shouldn’t force it. It shouldn’t even be labeled or put into a schedule – you simply have to let it be. Let it take place naturally, you know?
From our short but awkward encounter, at least for me, I realised that not every battle is worth a shot, not every guy deserves a girl’s number, and not every date should be accepted. I didn’t want to be a bitch and it’s my only reason for not refusing Ja(y)son my number, but had I found a better way to decline, I would have. But clearly, I was taken aback earlier and I wasn’t expecting such a thing to happen. I wasn’t mentally prepared to turn down someone tonight.
You don’t have to say yes to every offer if you already have something better in mind. I’m not saying he’s indecent – he’s just not my type. If you already have your heart set on your ideal man and you don’t want to be led astray or to take risks, then decline. You were not born to please every guy on this planet. You know your worth. Sure, casual dates happen, but you can’t put a price on listening to what your gut feel tells you.
With my story freshly told, please know that if you have already set your standards, there’s nothing wrong with sticking to it. You’ve probably heard this plenty of times already, but I’m going to say it anyway. Don’t settle for anything less than what you think you deserve and don’t change for anyone, because, chances are, he’s not even willing to change anything in himself just for you. Because it’s only you. If you have to make up a white lie to politely decline, do so. It’s not like he’s already planned his future with you, it’s just a number.
Going back to Ja(y)son’s question, “How are you going to find the right guy if you’re always doing something?” It was substantial and it made me think. I’m not even looking around. Sure, I’m open to the possibility of dates, but I believe in mutual effort. I don’t think I still believe in courtships now. Courting someone obliges you to have your best foot forward and once the goal (the girl) is attained, that best foot often ends up disappearing.
And being a woman of principle, I’m going to stick to my answer – I’ll let serendipity do its job.
Love yourself more,