faith,  life,  personal,  self,  thoughts

Dear Bae,

Years ago, you didn’t worry so much about life. You were not exactly care-free but you just did what you have to do. You were not a straight A student, but Lord knows you tried your best. You didn’t get a degree with the course you wanted but you sucked it up and fought anyway, even when you felt you were fighting alone. Tracking grades wasn’t exactly your thing, and you were a little stubborn in college as well. All those years, you felt so alone. You thought nobody else was fighting the same battle because it seemed like everybody had their lives figured out. They had goals, you didn’t. You were simply following everybody else because you didn’t have a tad bit any idea what the heck to do with your life.

Years ago, you’ve made many mistakes. You went through a lot, you’ve had your heart broken, you had your frustrations, your angst years. You were too blinded by love, and you thought it was the way to get attention, to be loved. With your body.. well, it wasn’t the best, but you didn’t see it as the worst either. That is, until you let people insult you and call you names, which resulted in you thinking you were less of a person just because you had more weight than the average girl.

You always wanted to feel normal, whatever that means. You were tired of having a muffin top, of never being comfortable in jeans, of having to ask for the biggest size, only to look like a suman once you put it on. You were tired of being compared to a leaner girl, of being called “fatter” than her, even though they could be kinder by putting it the other way around. You were full of it but you ignored the comments, just because you didn’t understand it.. yet. You thought you looked fine, that you didn’t look horrible at all – until you convinced yourself that they were right. You wanted to prove everyone wrong so you did what you could and impressed people on how good you were at “losing weight”. Now here you are, carrying the weight you started with, but more.

A year ago, months rolled in and you were still jobless. You were starting to doubt yourself and your abilities, and all those years you spent forcing yourself to study something that wasn’t to your liking. Everybody already had it going, some were about to receive their first pay checks, while others have already been working for a while then. Every time you sweep the stairs, you see your graduation photo hanging on the wall. You shrug the feeling off, but something tells you you’re a waste of space and you’re only good for so much. You always knew you could be more than that, but for now, you’ll be okay sweeping floors, laundering clothes, and guarding the house.

You finally bagged a job, and at a reputable company that pays well! Of course you just had to grab it. After months of waiting, who were you to be choosy? But sadly, that joy didn’t last long. You thought you were one of the greatest, but you thought yourself wrong. Too many mistakes were made and it didn’t feel right; you felt out of place, and you weren’t just into it. The first few weeks were fine, but you didn’t see yourself growing there. Eventually, you just grew tired one day and decided never to go back. You took in too many bad memories, you found yourself feeling tired every day but for what? For the minimum pay? For thinking it was the right path? It only took a 2-day seminar to ponder on everything. You wished you ended it sooner, or never to have started at all, but you keep telling yourself now, “it was a lesson, it was a lesson..”

I remember how you woke up every day and went to sleep every night having one thought: “I’m scared”. You were so scared; so full of fear that they’d get back at you. You tried to rationalize your fear by defending yourself. But you knew some things failed because of your own doing; you just were’t brave enough to accept defeat and embrace your responsibilities. You were always so scared to live your life to the fullest. You stopped growing because of your excuses. Too many opportunities were missed because of your irrational fear, and for convincing yourself that you didn’t have to do it, or someone else could take your place, anyway. You never let the light shine on you because you were always trying to hide. But all of them had their lessons.

Now you’re thinking you’re a late bloomer because you’re only realizing things now, and not then. But I tell you, everything has its place, its time, its purpose. You are exactly where you need to be right now.

You’re always asking yourself if you’re even important to others. Are you really valued? Do they even see your worth?

Please know that whatever you’re going through, God isn’t finished with you yet. Greater things are about to happen.

It’s never too late to start again.

It’s never too late to be truly happy about your life.

It’s never too late to do the things you always wanted.

It’s never too late to embrace back your youth and begin all over.

Don’t be afraid to take chances. In the end, you will only regret the chances you didn’t take.

You could have been better, but you didn’t allow yourself to be because you didn’t even try. Don’t be that kind of person.

Please don’t ever think that you’re already so tired of life, because life never got tired of giving itself to you. Every day that you wake up again is a reminder that you have a purpose. Some things may take longer, some things may not be meant to be, but it’s for the best. You have your worth on this planet and you mean something. Everything has its purpose, hold on to that. Always remember that your value doesn’t decrease based on someone’s inability to see it.

You’re too young to give up without a fight. You’re too young to give up at all. Life has its high’s and low’s, but come what may, don’t stop believing.

Don’t stop believing that things will turn out good.

Don’t stop believing that God has something great in store for you.

Life has so much stronger curveballs to throw at you, this is just the beginning. If you want to survive and make it out strong, and I know you will, hold on tight, be head- and heart-strong and keep on fighting the good fight.

Bae, I believe in you. Start loving yourself more. It will do your heart good, I promise.

Don’t be afraid to chase your dreams. It’s never too late.


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