Some months ago, I set my heart on being a paid blogger. I thought that if others could do it, I could definitely, too, right? Wrong. It was harder than I thought. I wanted to pursue a career in blogging because I wanted to share tidbits of my life as well as the experiences, knowledge, and thoughts that I have. I wanted to have a voice that would make people aware of this and that. I wanted to share things, spread news, and connect with people. I didn’t know progressing (more like deteriorating) in this career meant being down and feeling lost for a long time (I still am).

I wanted to have a voice that would make people aware of this and that. I wanted to share things, spread news, and connect with people. I didn’t know progressing (more like deteriorating) in this career meant being down and feeling lost for a long time (I still am).

I’m the kind of person who does what she wants no matter how impractical it can sometimes be. I’m an emotional being so that means most of my decisions are based on my emotions, not on logic. It comes in handy every now and then, but blogging is a career that needs hard work and effort, not mere passion and creativity.

I’m guessing a management has a lot to do with it. And connections, lots of connections. Which I don’t have. It sucks that I don’t have a wide set of audience because I’ve always been that quiet girl in the corner of the room. And now that I want to pursue such a PR-related career, I feel like I have to start from scratch and build my way up. It’s gonna be tough knowing that the market is already so saturated with bloggers that all want to be big someday.

I’m not the only one.

It’s both a good thing and a bad thing. You can connect with many people or compete with a lot of bloggers. It just helps that in this country, bloggers support one another. We’re not as highly competitive and we share our sources when others need them.

I tried vlogging for a change, hoping it would help me become more confident and increase my views on my blog (and make more connections in general). I was having fun at first. Later on, it became draining and technical issues started appearing. No matter how much I clear my laptop’s hard drive, I still get notified that my memory space is already too low. That meant I can’t edit long vlogs. And with the amount of backlogs I have, I might as well resolve this issue first instead of editing in my video editor, hoping it wouldn’t crash soon.

I don’t know. I just feel hopeless sometimes. It seems that when money is discussed, the opportunities either fly out the window or never come at all. But when I do something for fun, I attract certain things that align with my passions. It’s somehow weird, don’t you think? I guess this is God’s reminder that I can never be too greedy with money or material things in general. That certain things take time and I can’t rush them. That sometimes we gotta start low or empty before we make it big.

I’m not losing hope, though. My heart tells me that my opportunities are just out there, waiting for me to make that move. I hope one day I do make it big, and when that day comes, I hope you still stick around.

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Bae Milanes

Bae is a 20-something passion blogger from Manila. She likes hoarding hobbies and trying out new stuff, blogging about her mundane adventures, and tweeting about random realizations and musings.
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