This week already feels like hell. And it’s only Thursday.
Also, THIS IS FAR FROM THE BLOG POSTS THAT I USUALLY WRITE.
Some may say it’s been a hell year all along, but I personally felt (still feel) the most drained this week. What with the Supreme Court giving a thumbs up for Marcos’s burial in the Libigan Ng Mga Bayani and Trump’s recent victory as a President-elect, I couldn’t help but wonder: Has the world gone mad?
Rants aside (I’ve already said my piece – or a hundred – on social media), this flurry of events made me realize some things. As Kylie said, it’s the year of realizing things. You go, sister!
Love Is Powerful
Love is powerful. It’s true, right? It wouldn’t be in the Holy Bible if it ain’t true. Love conquers all. No matter how much hate the world throws us, we would still love it nonetheless. Maybe not as soon as we wanted to, but we’d still love it nonetheless. To borrow from Mean Girls, I feel like I have been personally victimized by Trump even though I don’t really know him and he doesn’t even know that I exist. Given the fact that he does, he probably doesn’t give two shits about my existence.
With all these hate, disappointment, and frustration, I could only do so much. So I did what any other sane person’s reaction would be – rant. Rant all over social media. Pour my heart out and even cry. Have my heart broken a million times in one day from all the posts I see online. But to be honest, it’s so tiring. It’s so emotionally draining and it just leaves you all more frustrated.
Now I just want to respond instead of to react. It’s encouraging to see so many people try to uplift each others’ spirits especially those in the U.S.A. right now. Just filter through the hate tweets and you’ll see so many people trying to encourage the POC, Muslims, LGBQT community, women, minorities, and other target individuals to fight back. But fight back smartly. To use their skills, talents, and capabilities for the better. Not to fight with blood, but with their rights. I don’t even know these people, yet I feel so compassionate towards them. To be honest, you don’t have to be a person in power to want to help them. Heck, for all I know, the people in power are the ones who couldn’t care less.
Kill Your Anxiety Before It Kills You
I’m a walking anxiety. Everything I do or will do has a touch (or more like a gallon) of anxiety. It’s funny how we let things control us instead of us controlling them. Here’s a funny story: I had a complicated story about my money, now to resolve it, my last step was to deposit cash to my bank account. I didn’t want to do it. Why? It was giving me anxiety. And I was feeling lazy. I didn’t want to go out. You ever heard of that saying, “If it requires wearing pants and a bra, it’s not gonna happen?” Well, that’s exactly what I’ve been feeling. But I was given a deadline so I didn’t have any choice but to just do it. So I did. I tried to postpone it for several times, and when I ticked it off my to-do list, I had a dumb look on my face. “That’s it? I’ve been agonizing for days for this one activity that takes 5 minutes to do?”
As I said, it’s funny, right? We should be in control, not our anxieties. But I always believe things happen for a reason. Maybe it would have been a bad timing if I went earlier. Maybe I was meant to do it today, so it could add to the things I realized, and so I could include it in this blog post. Who knows, right?
Stop Being Stubborn, Accept The Help
I think one thing some people don’t know about me is that I’m a pretty stubborn person. Like, I will do what I want because I feel like it. Sometimes it’s rational like, “Go live your life! You’re in control of the wheels!”, and sometimes it’s, “You sure you wanna do that?” I mostly become stubborn when I’m emotional. It’s my way of rebelling even it just means snobbing you for an entire day (given that you’re the kind of person I talk to every single day). Sometimes, or more often, it’s a stupid habit of mine. I like being stubborn because I can be, although, of course, I’m aware that it’s wrong. That being stubborn should have its proper place and time.
That said, I just realized that no matter how stubborn I become, people want to help me. People love me. I’m the only one who’s too stubborn to accept their love. Yesterday, I was so bummed out about the U.S. Election results that I didn’t want to do anything fun. I thought I didn’t deserve it because other people were (still are) mourning. A friend reminded me why it was okay,
“The devastation of other people shouldn’t cause you to think you don’t deserve happiness. You fight to be happy for both, & fighting for other people to be happy means first making sure you’re cared for. You deserve to be happy because you have the capabilities to make other people happy, and that’s incredibly important. It’s a fight for all of us.”
and I just realized how crappy I’ve been dealing with people. I tend to sulk in one corner and ignore the rest of the world. Know where it got me? Nowhere. And now I’m nursing a headache, and I’m suspecting it was caused by all the crying, thinking, and worrying.
I’m gonna end this post with a cute photo collage of Lilica’s maternity shoot because I’m tired of hating.
PS, I don’t get why I have a gazillion e-mails. I made a poll on Twitter and most friends answered they have clean e-mails. Bruh, I had 1,000 unread e-mails reduced to 700 this afternoon. Bruh. Y tho.
Wow, I actually feel better,
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