There are too many things that are bugging me lately so I thought that maybe it’s the right time to do another Life Lately volume. Earlier this evening, I tricked myself into believing again that maybe I could go out and hang out somewhere to try and brush up my socialising skills. But that plan vanished into thin air when I realised that my calves are killing me from my workout yesterday and the fact that I was still working won’t speed up the process, seeing that I keep distracting myself with EDM and party anthems. 


Generally, I am exhausted. And it’s all my fault. Despite feeling sluggish the entire day, I refuse to sleep early or at least on a normal time that any normal being would sleep. I keep pushing myself beyond my limit with no valid reason at all and with nothing to invest on. It’s 1:05 AM as I type this and I know it’s way past my bedtime, but I am just having my downtime and I’d like to cherish it before Monday rolls in again. Sunday ends too fast, yo. Besides, it’s about time I publish something new on this blog. I have something in my drafts list but I’m feeling more sentimental right now.

Fitness/Wellness/Health/Gym, etc. 

I am so happy that I’m finally squatting 80 lbs. albeit I have to stop at 8 repetitions instead of my usual 12 because that thing is heavy to carry on the back, let alone squat with. I have yet to perfect my squats so I can go back to doing 12 reps and finally increase my plates to 100 lbs. when the time comes. I’m doing well with leg presses at 200 lbs. and I’m making love with that machine every single time. My hamstrings are not so weak anymore and I’m doing plié squats again.

Sleep is lacking, noticeably. Water game is still strong but my diet is all over the place. For someone who is a rigorous gym goer, I should know better than to sleep late and skip meals. But I realised that no one is perfect and one way or another, we’re going to slip in some area of our life.

In other news, I’m so proud that I’m seeing new and returning faces in the gym. At least as far as my big ears can hear. Apparently there have been a few who went missing in action but are now returning to fitness. There’s this grandmother whose stomach is flatter than mine, these girls who love doing their cardio, and of course my gym crushes.

At the end of it all, I honestly hope I’m being an inspiration to someone out there. Part of why I’m doing what I’m doing is to better myself, but a part of it is also to motivate people and show them that anything is possible if you put your heart into it.

Work-life “balance”

Work is more hectic now. One thing cut into half brings a huge difference. It’s one thing to sit down an entire day and work on an article versus to try and do two shorter articles per week. I have to really remind myself to quit slacking off or my free days really suffer. I love my work and my gym, but sometimes I’m torn to choose between the two and there’s no win-win situation. More often than not, I have to choose one over the other and nothing is more heartbreaking than that. One of anything has to suffer. 🙁

Blogging

This is embarrassing, but Shane got me a new phone so I could take better pictures, but not I’m not even trying to bother and take pictures even of the mundane things. This goes to show that I do not go out often and have nothing to shoot or I’m just lazy with keeping my photo gallery updated with what’s been happening with my life. I guess a big part of it is because I’m working all the time and there’s no sense taking pictures of what you’d normally see in my life every single day.

I should go out more often or at least put in the effort to see the beauty in the mundane things and take creative shots out of them. After all, it’s sickening to keep borrowing photos from photo dump websites. On the other hand, my blog post ideas are all over the place. Sometimes I want to be sentimental, other times I want to be more formal with my approach. Up until now, I’m not sure what I’m aiming for, blog-wise. LOL. I have photos saved up, edited, and labelled, but I don’t blog about them because I have no drive. They are mostly makeup blogs posts.

I think I come off too much as a cutie pie blogger even though that’s not really my intention. I should stop hiding behind my shell and write something that is genuinely me; something that I wouldn’t care about if no on reads it because I’m happy enough just writing it. But for now, I have to genuinely make time to blog.

Also, can you do me a favor and bug me to read your blog, please? I am a heavy Twitter user. If I don’t follow you yet, please feel free to give me your Twitter handle so I’d see your posts from time to time.

Sexuality

I’ve been thinking about it lately and being in my 20’s, I thought it’s the perfect time to explore my sexuality. I’m not saying I’m confused about my gender preference, but some friends have been planting bad seeds in my head, which are making me question my own sexuality.

To be blunt, I have lesbian tendencies. I personally “woo” women better than I do men. Men are still a mystery to me. It’s hard to read them and their intentions. You can never bee too trusting or too kind. But as I have told my friends, I’m pretty sure I’m not lesbian because first and foremost, I still see women as competition. There are women who I look up to and there are women I secretly compete with out of envy. As much as I find some women attractive, and I’m pretty sure that’s normal, I don’t see myself being in a relationship with them. As I tried to research and learn more about my gender options, I came upon the conclusion that I may not be full-fledged lesbian or bisexual, but I may be gender fluid.

Gender fluidity isn’t the equivalent of transgenderism, in which a person’s gender identity is different from the one assigned at birth.


Theresa “TDo” Do, a 37-year-old San Francisco native, was born and raised female but never felt that way. She appears androgynous with a short haircut and expresses her gender fluidity in how she behaves.
In situations when Do feels challenged, she said, she feels more masculine and expresses herself in that way.
“The tone of my voice does change. It comes a little bit more forward. My voice drops a bit,” she said. “I have been told that I walk really masculine, and I puff my chest out when I’m walking.”
When she feels like she is in a safer place, she becomes more feminine.

I know this might be big news to you, but hear me out, it’s 1:32 in the wee hours of the morning and I don’t even know who or what I am anymore. This is me genuinely pouring my heart out and with no reservations, contrary to Alma Moreno’s perseverance to run in the Senate (I crack myself up).

Albeit the use of the term “conclusion”, let’s not jump into one as I’m not even sure if what I feel about myself and my sexuality is legitimate or purely made out of imagination. But to be clear, let me cite some examples.

I feel more masculine when I’m in the gym. I walk with my chest out and my hips barely swaying. That means I am in the zone, I am pumped up and ready to roll. On the other hand, I feel extremely feminine when I’m wearing a tank top or a short skirt.

I remember when I would see a man who seems to act too soft and I’d ask my brother if he was gay. In defense, he’d always say that maybe he’s just gender fluid. Well, now I understand what he’s saying.


Those are literally the best photos I have on my phone that would represent what I’ve been doing with my life lately. Basically, life has been all about working, working out, and feeling slugging for being sleepy all the time, but not sleeping enough. Hello, 1:56 AM.

As the last hit, it’s funny how it takes me an entire day to write a 1,500-word article when I easily write the same volume in a span of one hour. Imagine how easy life would be if I just blogged to my heart’s desire and got paid for it. Not complaining, though, my passion is my passion.

So, what’s up with your life lately?

heartbae

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Bae Milanes

Bae is a 20-something passion blogger from Manila. She likes hoarding hobbies and trying out new stuff, blogging about her mundane adventures, and tweeting about random realizations and musings.
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