I have so many feelings right now and yet I want to have none. 

I don’t find my thoughts deserving of either a 280-character tweet or intentional publication on my social media accounts so I’m writing a blog post instead. Because this is non-disruptive media and you don’t really need to read this. But if you already are, then.. hello. 

I’ve been feeling weird lately, particularly this week. I’ve been walking up later than usual and I’m back to my 10 am body alarm. I don’t like sleeping in especially knowing I have things to do, but I can’t help that more often than not, I just want to sleep. It’s like I’m never ready enough to wake up and face the day. And that really sucks. 

I could have been busy being productive, but my bed is just a magnet, you know? 

So I end up waking late and working late. In fact, I’m not yet finished working, it’s already past 9:30, by the way, but it just feels so dragging, so I took a break from work. I still have about half an hour to go, but I don’t want to worry about that right now. 

Speaking of magnets, I’ve been a magnet of guest blog posts lately. I don’t know why these bloggers from other countries are suddenly popping up in my emails from nowhere. I’m literally not doing anything different with my blog. 

Anyway, so far, I’m saying yes to those I think are relevant to my own niche and interests. My problem is finding the right time to publish them because I honestly don’t know the right time to do so and if my readers would even be interested. I guess I also feel iffy towards having someone else’s writing on my own website. I also had a bad experience from guest blogging before, so I guess that’s also making me anxious now. 

This woman asked to be published on my blog and as a rule of thumb, she should share my link on her socials and mention me, which she didn’t. I never heard back from her, so that’s a thumb down from me. I find her article highly relevant and helpful, but be that as it may, I just removed her link from the blog post. I think that’s fair enough, right? People can just Google her website if they really want to know more about her original content. It’s no longer my problem if she’s not getting referrals from me. 

Anyway, so there’s that. 

I’ve been having lots of feeling towards Twitter lately. I don’t even know if people noticed, and I don’t really care to be honest, but I took a month-long hiatus from the platform to rest my… emotions. It’s been getting toxic in there lately. I meant to write an entire blog post on why I quit Twitter, but I’m still undecided if I should push through with it. 

I have very personal reasons, which I’m sure other people would be able to relate with, although I’m not sure if it would be an interesting topic to read. Anyway, I’ve been blogging a little too much lately. As always, I appreciate my readers’ feedback. 

Let me know which of my thoughts you want to read. 

Work is okay. It could be better. I could be better. But overall, it’s okay. It’s not the load; it’s me. No matter what I do, I feel nothing’s enough. I’m not satisfied enough, yet I have no more to offer. I can’t describe it, but I hope you understand. Whoever you are. If anybody even bothered to read this. 

It kinda makes me anxious how my co-workers are way ahead of me. I can’t help but notice because I literally see when they finish a task. Everything is visible, which I believe is also good. But I’m a Queen of Comparison, so I can’t help but feel down sometimes when I see them finishing one task after another, and it just takes me forever.

I guess that’s about it. This went longer than expected, but what the heck, right. A girl’s gotta express her thoughts. 

With love and light, 

Bae Milanes

Bae is a 20-something passion blogger from Manila. She likes hoarding hobbies and trying out new stuff, blogging about her mundane adventures, and tweeting about random realizations and musings.

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