personal,  reflections,  self

2014 Reflections

How does one even start when he reflects on his 2014? 

It has been a crazy, crazy year, no doubt. But a wonderful one at that. It was the year that I became brave. It was the year that I became closer to God. It was the year that I began appreciating things and people more. It was the year that I learned to give more, love more, and expect less.

First off, its was the year that I graduated from college. No, I did not pass with much flying colours and fireworks everywhere, but I passed. And what’s important is that I learned a lot, from dealing with different kinds of people, to knowing myself better. I’m glad I went through a lot of hardships back then. Had I not gone past them, I would have not learned from my own mistakes, and would have probably stayed stuck to where I was. I learned that no matter how hard you laugh with others, no matter how much time you spend with them, very few people will stick around to know the real you. Out of those people, a smaller number will really appreciate you for who you are. In a world of temporary kindness and fake smiles, very few really care. It was a tough time for me but I held on. When I know I’ve given my best shot, it was the time that I let go and let God. 

It was a slow time for me afterwards. Five months after my graduation day and I was still jobless. I felt unimportant, unneeded, and incapable. I looked and thought like a mess. I didn’t know what I was going to do with my life. No one really knew but I kind of went into slight depression during those idle months. I felt hopeless and just thought of giving up, that I would have to accept the reality that I will never amount to anything. Every failed interview discouraged me all the more to just stop trying. I knew it wasn’t doing me any good. And that’s when this guy entered into the picture.. 

Like any other strangers, we started with casual conversations. I didn’t even dig any deeper into our talks – he was way too nice and I always considered myself as a little rebel. I’ve always been the odd man, the outcast at times, the weird one. My thoughts almost always differs with that of others, I wasn’t your typical gal – or so I believed. 

I never really thought I was anyone special, or that I had anything in me that was likeable. People claim I’m a snob at first sight because I wasn’t a talker, I was always the listener. You may also call me the “smiler” because I will just smile at you no matter what you tell me. 

However, this guy proved otherwise. 

He showed all the beauty hiding behind my flaws and imperfections. He acknowledged me even without my presence. When I was lost, he didn’t show me the right path, instead he gave me a lamp and let me decide which road to take. He didn’t tell me the brownie wasn’t good, but he gave me a cookie that tasted better. He was genuine with his words and everything just felt natural with him. He never judged me, he always listened with interest no matter if it was good or bad. Most of all, he made me feel important. He accepted me as I were with no judgement or expectation. 

I simply could not ask for more. 

Came December and we celebrated our four months of being a couple. It was a huge risk for us both since we were more than 8,000 miles apart, but it was no hindrance to us being together. In fact, it just made our relationship stronger. I learned to trust and listen to my gut feel. I took risks, and I decided that this time, I want to be brave. I wanted to be happy, so I followed my heart. To this day, I’m glad I took a step forward and let myself be heard. 

Lastly, it was the year that I claimed God as my number one. I’m a witness to his everlasting love and power. One thing’s for sure – He knows us more than we know our own selves. 

Honestly, I am a stubborn kid. I always want to know why, and every time I ask, God provides me with an answer. It may not be as clear and as immediate as I prayed for but still, He answers. God’s delays are not His denials. Patience goes a long way, and I believe that it goes hand in hand with trust. He gave me comfort during my lowest times. He loved me at my darkest. But He also showed me hope and light when He knew I was ready. I admit to being impatient at times, I tend to be persuasive at the most unnecessary times, and would usually make haste decisions, even to this day. But He never left my side.

It was also the year that I learned to grow as my own person. I learned to value myself through the importance that other people showed me, especially with the support and love that comes from my family. I knew that I had to be stronger before I could help others. I needed to know myself first before sharing myself. 

It wasn’t an easy task. I am still in the process of knowing myself, but I know God’s love will not fail me, because I know that my God is bigger than all the giants inside me.

I hope that this new year brings in more blessings and beautiful experiences, more lessons in life, and in loving our world more. I pray that God makes me an instrument to help others, both in big and small ways. 

I pray that this year brings in more joy, peace in heart, and clarity of mind. That throughout the months to come, we would be moulded into better individuals – as our own persons, as friends, as loved ones, as a family. 

I claim this year to be more prosperous and to be way, way happier. 🙂 

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